Revised Diagnostic Essay- 1 December 2009

Sightseeing for Money
The power of teleportation opens up multiple avenues for personal gain. I plan to become wealthy by working as an assassin and saboteur. I will accomplish this goal by performing strategic assassinations and thefts to manipulate world politics and business for profit.

I remember the morning I was granted my powers. I awoke and found myself standing before the downstairs toilet. Moments ago, I was under the covers. After relieving myself, I appeared under the bed sheets again. I inherited the ability of teleportation overnight; I needed to carefully contemplate how to use it.

Teleportation to anywhere in the world lends itself to the profession of contract killing. Governments pay large sums of money to have terrorist leaders, ruthless dictators, and dangerous warlords eliminated without incident. I now possess the talent to topple threatening foreign powers within minutes and without ever having an American soldier set foot on foreign soil. Instead of the military taking months to mobilize and deploy a taskforce to deal with a potential threat, I could carry out an assassination quickly and single handedly. One intelligence briefing encompasses all I need before appearing behind the leader and eliminating him. A debriefing would take longer to complete than the actual operation through the use of teleportation. The government would have no problem paying me the required sum for my actions. My special ability potentially saves countless lives, millions of dollars from the military budget, and is completed in hours instead of months.

In the business world, my powers benefit competing companies by gaining the upper hand in contract dealings and destroying rival companies. Instead of two computer software companies fighting to complete a similar application and introduce it to the public; it would be much simpler to have one company’s product and raw data destroyed entirely. If a company released new computers that have one hundred times the processing capabilities of any other product on the market today, other manufacturers would love to get their hands on that new technology. My capabilities allow competitors to gain access to that information. What would happen to a fast food chain if all of its beef patties tested positive for E. Coli bacteria? Would alcohol companies crumble if their recipes for beer and liquor were stolen and released to the public for free? Too many possibilities abound to list. These feats would prove simple to an individual who possessed the ability to teleport anywhere.

In my first attempt as an assassin, I found government jobs may also provide humanitarian relief. I secured my first contract with incredible ease. After impressing the president by teleporting into the oval office, he immediately offered me work. My first mark was Khashi Tarbul, tribal warlord in Somalia. Tarbul was personally responsible for thousands of deaths. His regime controlled the food and medical supplies for the entire northern region of Somalia.

Somalia is not exactly a dream destination, but, fortunately, the Central Intelligence Agency collected extremely detailed photos and maps of the entire country. The president himself handed me a very thick folder containing all of Tarbuls’ personal. He said, “If you are able to eliminate this man, our country will be in your debt.” “If I eliminate this man, a payment of one million dollars will teleport into my bank account.” I countered. I was pleasantly surprised when he started laughing and flashed me the “thumbs-up”.

At home, I readied myself for the assignment. After studying the folder, arming myself with a Glock 23 handgun, and donning a Superman costume, I was ready for action. The folder of photos included Tarbuls bedroom with several views of the supply depot. The bedroom should serve for the location of the hit. “Why the costume?” someone usually asks. The Superman costume was the only superhero outfit in my closet, but later I replaced it with a custom made suit.

Waiting until midnight in Somalia to teleport, tested my willpower. The plan hinged on Tarbul sleeping in the bedroom, so waiting played a part in the course of action. The hours seemed to drag until the time finally arrived.

Apparently, bedrooms in Somalia smell like a mixture of curry and camel urine. I was nearly knocked off my feet when assaulted by the pungent odor upon my arrival. Tarbul however, was knocked down by my sudden appearance.

I succumbed to neither fear nor hesitation that night. His pleas for mercy were incomprehensible and sounded many miles away. Anger filled my body as I watched that genocidal maniac soil his pajamas in terror. Tarbul understood his imminent death.

Finishing the former warlord, I teleported to the supply depot. The supplies Tarbul hoarded would save entire villages from starvation and sickness. I distributed supplies to the poor even though it was not part of my assignment. I worked until the depot was empty by teleporting truck loads of supplies to surrounding villages.

Watching the nightly newscast the following day, I was pleased to see my exploits covered in great length. A coup occurred, resulting in the death of Kashi Tarbul and the ransack of his supply depots. The reporter made no mention of an assassin, according to plan. After checking my bank account balance, the pleased feeling evolved into sheer delight.

Working for the government as an independent contractor could make me a wealthy man in a short time. Thinking of interesting and creative ways to use my powers for monetary gain provides the real challenge. Using teleportation, I could change the face of politics and business on a global scale and become rich in the process.